The Last Jedi: Abused and Enthused

The Last Jedi

Much like an internet argument, except for something actually happens.

The Last Jedi. You loved it, you hated it, we waited 3 months to talk about it. We call that a win.



  • Fandango: Use our Fandango link to purchase your next round of [whatever] tickets. It doesn’t cost you extra and it supports the show!
  • ThinkGeek: Product Review – Star Wars R2D2 Coffee Press


  • Theme song performed by Charles Laurita (written by John Williams)
  • Ad music by Kenobi Style (the duo, F1NG3RS and Santa Kilmagik from Richmond, VA). Check them out on Facebook and Soundcloud


X-Wings & Rogue Squadron


S-foils locked in extraneously designed position

The Last Jedi hype is just too real right now. So let’s talk about X-Wings for an hour. Sound good?


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Please End Our Buffering

star wars communications

So much for that 8-track we needed 5 minutes ago.

It’s clear that Star Wars has a much better version of Google Hangouts than we do. In this one, we deep dive into communications and means of data transfer, especially the kind that occurs in Rogue One.

Alternative show title: The Benefits of Using Mon Calamari Zip Drives

***Use our link to buy The Last Jedi tickets today***

Ewok Shofar
Did Patrick actually say Fart Vader?
XKCD What-If infographic about moving large amounts of data
Dumb, now out-of-date headphone jack meme

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Check out the Han Towel here:

Theme song performed by Charles Laurita (written by John Williams)

Ad music by Kenobi Style. Check them out on Facebook and Soundcloud


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Yes, but What about the Paperwork?

Star Wars Law

We can dream, right?

The galaxy isn’t entirely made up of lightsaber fights and cut-and-dried good and evil. In this episode, we get our lawyer friend and muse Joe Terrenzio on retainer. He applies his legal expertise to the galaxy and prepare for our eventual lawsuit with Lucasfilm and the Church of Scientology. Not necessarily in that order.

Excuse to post Nick’s favorite Tecnho Union video.

Support our show by picking up power converters at our tosche station:


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6 Jawas Who Totally Knew about the Bad Motivator


Who can forget Dathcha? This cutie sharpshooter could hardly contain his giggles when Owen tried to buy R5-D4. What a sucker!



Total conniver. He basically rigged the motivator stunt himself. Friends say he stuck it back in with duct tape. LOL!


Het Nkik

On second thought, Ol’ Nkikky was at the cantina the whole time. He might be off the hook.



Alright, quit playin’ Jeff. We all know you’re just a regular sized dude in a Jawa robe. Even Buddy the Elf had to come to terms with it eventually. Plus, your name is Jeff. Dead giveaway.



Never seen without Tab. They both had to be in on it, those little scamps 😉



Hated Jebnit’s guts, but they were the only ones that could truly understand each other’s stank. SAD



Ugly unmasked sand person is ugly
Rust Never Sleeps
The Book of lists
The Disney Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge details we’ve all read

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The Light, It Burns: How Lightsabers Work

how lightsabers work
Three years into the podcast and we’re finally getting to how lightsabers work.

We owe guest host Aaron Spain (half of the Nordy Derk Podcast) this episode. Here’s our thank you, three years later.

Star Wars Explained video about Vader’s lightsaber:

Do it:

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The Lost Episodes Vol 1 – The Force Awakens

the force awakens

“Traitor! [it’s implied that I have history with you, let’s fight]”

Better late than never.

Long considered lost and forgotten, raw audio tracks were unearthed. In them, the boys finally get to breaking down The Force Awakens. What better time to release them to the public than 17 months and 1 film later!

The weirdest part: our opinions age pretty well.

Here’s a link to the article Nick cited about tweaking the timing on blowing up the planets.

Happy Star Wars Day!

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What the Force Does

the force

“I smell something. Do you smell that? It’s in this general region right here. Weird”

The Force.

What does it do?
What doesn’t it do?
Why is it so finicky, changing from wielder to wielder?
Bonus question: what does it have to do with girls’ night out?

We’re back to catalog the does and don’ts of the Force. Cause it’s confusing and we’re here to help our listeners make sense of the galaxy.

Tune in to find out why the alternate title is “Tauntaun Throat Sausage”

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It’s been pretty quiet at the Loose Canon studios

Loose Canon

A view from Alex’s backyard in LA.






So tragedy Loose Canon this year. Ok fine, we’ll dispense with the dramatics. We lost the audio files on two Force Awakens episodes we were working on as well as an Expanded Universe post-mortem. Like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, the charred remains rest on some remote planet (wherever Apple disposes of their replaced hard drives).

We still have a wild eye to get more episodes out there, but we’re taking this time to carbon freeze the direction we want our podcast to go in the age of new canon.

In the meantime, do you have an idea for us? Been listening to back episodes? Tweet at us or post on our Facebook page and tell us how you’ve been biding your time between Star Wars movies.

We love you, canonballs!

-Alex, Patrick & Nick

Episode 20 – Darth Vader: The Machine

Darth Vader GlovesIn this stunning conclusion to our Darth Vader two-parter, we get to the core of what makes Vader tick – seriously his suit probably does tick a little. When it comes to the complex mechanisms keeping that quivering Christmas ham alive on the inside, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Parts that include some pretty cool gloves.

I mean what did you expect? All that space diabeetus really takes its toll on your circulation. Luckily glove technology is so advanced that Vader was able to lead a somewhat normal, albeit excruciatingly painful life.

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